Sister Act (HAAAAAALELUJAH!!!)

As you can tell by the title of this blog, I am a little obsessed with musical theater.  I have hundreds of cast albums and I love to sing along with them….much to the chagrin of my roommate, neighbors and neighborhood dogs.   Normally, this does not create a problem when I see a show, as I can disassociate.

 However, the London cast album of Sister Act was one of my favorites from the very moment I downloaded it. I wore out my motherboard listening to it so frequently, and I let my freak flag wave and my inner black woman wail along. This is all well and good…..unless the stage show has been so drastically changed that you spend the entire show trying to catch up.  This was my experience the first time I saw the show. The second time I was prepared, so I was able to be my more judgmental self. And the result is:

I still don’t really know how I feel about this show. L

I enjoyed it. It’s fine. It’s got some slow moments. It’s got some funny stuff.  Meh.

Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start, I am told. 

Basically the first half of the first act is lame and uninteresting. Instead of actually taking the time to establish the characters and situation in the universe they’ve created, they are going to assume that you have seen the movie and fast forward through most of that.  Ok, yes, most of the people that see this show will have seen the movie and will understand the premise. But if we wanted the movie…..we would watch the movie and save ourselves $150.00.  And these characters, while based on movie characters, are their own, not mere reflections. Give them some life.

The stupidest song in the show also happens during this time. Ok, it’s not stupid, some of the lyrics are quite clever, but I’ts about 8 hours too long. Ok…that may be a slight exaggeration. “When I Find My Baby” is a song that Curtis sings after Delores has disappeared extolling all the ways he is going to kill her. Like I said, some funny lyrics, but REALLY long and repetitive. And also very poorly blocked. Curtis just stands there singing the song. There’s some great moments for some comedy in this tongue and cheek song that the director just did not take advantage of. 

Another source of angst for me the first time was the fact that they completely changed one of THE BEST songs from the London version. The song is sung by the nuns when they first meet Delor…er Mary Clarence. The song is called “That’s How I Got the Calling” and the brilliant lyrics are as follows:

MARY PATRICK:
When I was still a school girl,
standing just about yay high,
I saw the face of Jesus
in a coconut cream pie.
Next morning, there was Mary
in a bowl of special k,
and ten of twelve Apostles
in the salad bar buffet.
Now frankly, I’m an eater,
and I polished off Saint Peter
when my tummy sorta gave a little lurch,
and, I knew,
beyond all question,
it was more than indigestion,
and that’s how I got my calling to the church.

DELORIS:
[You found God in junk food?]

MARY PATRICK:
[The Lord works in mysterious ways!
So I told mine, now you tell yours.]

DELORIS:
[Age before beauty.]

MARY LAZARUS:
[Death before dishonor.]
My mother kicked the bucket
in the flood of ‘38.
A falling Steinway piano
sent my father to his fate.
All twenty of my siblings
caught the plague, by some odd chance.
And something in the meatloaf
got my uncles and my aunts.
The town I lived in bit it
when a freak tornado hit it,
and the heartbreak took my dog to his reward.
And – I figured on reflection,
I could maybe use protection,

MARY LAZARUS/NUNS:
and that’s how I got my
calling to the lord!
(how I got my
calling to the lord)

MARY PATRICK/MARY LAZARUS:
Yes, that was how I got the calling!

MARY LAZARUS:
And it was bracing -

MARY PATRICK:
But enthralling!

MARY PATRICK/MARY LAZARUS:
And I just knew I’d do as I was bid.

MARY PATRICK
I’d be overfed -

MARY LAZARUS:
And I’d be obviously dead -

MARY PATRICK/MARY LAZARUS:
So thank the Lord I got the calling when I did!

MARY PATRICK:
[Now you!]

DELORIS:
[No, them!]

MARY LEZIN:
The folks from ‘Jews for Jesus'
stuck a pamphlet in my purse.

MERY CECILIA:
I heard a voice while playing
‘Sergeant Pepper’ in reverse.

MARY PETROC:
I prayed and then by golly,
my psoriasis was healed.

MARY ANTIOCH:
People always told me
that I looked like Sally Field.

MARY KATARI:
I had a revelation
when I skipped my medication.

MARY WILIGIS:
The outfit just did wonders for my frame.

ALL NUNS:
And, yes it may be odd
to get a wake-up call from God.
But in the end, I got the calling, and I came.
(I got the calling and I came)
And that was how I got the calling,
(La La La La La La )
And gave my life an overhauling
(La La La La)

MARY ANTIOCH/MARY PETROC:
And it was loud -

MARY MIGUEL:
And firm -

MARY JOSEPHAT:
And oh, so clear!

ALL NUNS:
Yes it’s quite a jump.

MARY GENISIUS:
But I’d be lost -

MARY EMEBERT:
Afraid -

MARY PETROC:
A frump!

NUNS:
So thank the Lord I got the calling,
and I’m here!

MARY PATRICK:
[Saved the best-est for last-est!]

DELORIS:
[Oh, oh, she hasn't gone yet.]

MARY ROBERT:
[Oh no, not me, I can't - I didn't -]

MARY PATRICK:
[Mary Robert wasn't exactly called to the convent,
were ya, Mouse? Tell her.]

MARY ROBERT:
[Well...]
You see... I mean... it’s kind of like, I –

MARY PATRICK:
came here as a tot.

MARY ROBERT
What I mean is...

MARY PATRICK:
left here at the door.
[Go on.]

MARY ROBERT:
And I don’t know if I’m...

MARY PATRICK:
... supposed to be a nun -

MARY ROBERT:
or -

MARY PATRICK
not.

MARY ROBERT
It’s...

MARY PATRICK:
hard to say, but after all,
that’s what the call if for.

[Right? So! Spotlight's back on you,
sister. 'Fess up!]

DELOROIS:
[O-kay... Ah...]
Me and... sister sledge...
We had a ministry, I guess.
[Ah...]
Uh, working at our lady of...
perpetual... excess...
We’d go among the village... people...
everyday... well, night.
Lifting up the sinful
and helping the uptight.
Then suddenly one day
it was like, bang!
And right away I saw the light
and screamed "Sweet Jesus Christ"
and such
And... I asked to be secluded
in this hellhole just like you did.
And that’s how I got the calling,
pretty much

ALL NUNS:
How she got the calling
pretty much.

DELORIS:
And that’s is how I got the calling.

ALL NUNS:
It was sublime -

DELORIS:
and yet appalling!

ALL NUNS:
And it was oh, so right in all respects!
Aahhhh...

MARY MIGUEL:
Sweet as mountain honey -

MARY ADELARD:
and as wild as summer lightening -

MARY KATERI:
and as warm as woollen mittens -

MARY EMEBERT:
and so fierce that it was frightening -

MARY WILIGIS:
and as bright as new-cut flowers -

MARY LEZIN
and as swift as April showers -

DELORIS:
and orgasmic as a night of sweaty sex!
[I'm sorry, was that out loud?]

MARY PATRICK:
If it never came -

MARY LAZARUS:
If all our lives were just the same -

MARY PATRICK/MARY LAZARUS:
Well, heaven knows what might’ve
happened to us then...

NUNS:
But we got the calling.
Thank the Lord we got the calling.
We’re so glad you got the calling,
amen!

What I LOVE about this song is, in one song, it introduces you to the whole litany of people you will be cheering for over the next 2 hours. It has different personalities and backgrounds and levels of humor.  What they replaced it with was a really lame song called “It’s Good to be a Nun” which just basically went through things the nuns liked to do like “Pray and Wake up at 4am”. BORING! We all know what nuns do but learning how they became nuns is MUCH more interesting.

So if you can make it through the first 30-45 minutes of the show to when Mary Clarence is forced to join the choir, you are golden. From then on it’s a thrill ride of choral magnitude and very funny.

The through line and the very heart of the show is Victoria Clark as Mother Superior. This Tony Award winning actress is the very definition of class and every note she sings is pure and beautiful.  Her character, while not as goofy funny as Maggie Smith, has so much heart that you can’t help but love her.

As for Patina Miller…..I made people listen to this recording because she was so fantastic. Unfortunately she does not have the moxy to back up a live performance. Both times I saw the show she held back and cheated on many phrases and notes. Now I understand that this is a difficult score to sing and she really does have to carry the load. But that is what you get paid $3000 a week for. This is what actors and singers are trained to do. GROW SOME BALLS!!! Ok, well don’t do that because then you really couldn’t hit the notes. But COME ON. You were nominated for a Tony….deliver the goods!! One thing that always stuck with me when doing theater was that every audience member deserves the same show. They paid the same money; do not give them an inferior show. It doesn’t matter if you’re sick or sad, or retaining water, every audience should get the same level of performance from an actor. Patina’s acting teacher obviously never taught her this. 

And she it completely upstage by the amazingly talented Marla Mindell as Mary Robert, the adorable postulate, who has the pipes of a banshee….in a good way. This woman’s chest voice knows no bounds and she can belt like a motherfu**er.  She is definitely worth the price of admission.

The other favorite from the movie, Mary Patrick, the chubby ball of sunshine played by Sarah Bolt…is cute….but really missing that spark and trying to force the Kathy Najimy (who played the role in the movie) just a little too much. Any of you who know my friend Erin Schneider should facebook her and tell her to off this chick and steal her role. She would be perfect. Go. Do it. Now. Thanks.

Overall I think this show would be mucho enjoyable with a better director. The set is fabulous. The costumes, though epilepsy seizure inducing, are gorgeous. And there really is a lot of heart; it just needs a stronger beat.